Rylee Ryder unequivocally understands abused women because she has been one, until she learned that denial of her circumstances could only harbor bitterness, distrust, and dread. Making it easier for the alcoholic druggie to continue to control her, while she constantly found herself repeating the same recuperative tactics to unsuccessfully cure the offender.
When she learned that people who abuse can also be attentive and affectionate as well as cruel and conniving, she understood that deep, dark, dirty denial wanted to convince her that she could not possibly change her life, so she conveniently learned to live in physical, emotional and sexual terror.
Along her journey Rylee forgot how to believe in herself, her intuition and her own self-trust. As her abuse worsens, without realizing, she simply acclimates to it. In Rylee’s case she morally felt obligated to try everything she could muster to withstand the insanity, still trying and thinking she was saving her family.
Ultimately, she does save herself and works hard for years to persevere. She lives a healthy life with good friends, neighbors and church support group. She still likes men, still rides her horse and lets the dog on the sofa, knowing that the journey can be more fulfilling than the destination.
The violent actions that surrounded me should have been understood as the addict/abuser’s volatile temper was all about himself; NOT me, the recipient of his angry unleashed out-bursts. I should have seen myself as a his convenient target. Yet, I was still investing in the idea that the addict/abuser might change.